I want them to be walking around in a public place, like a grocery store, and suddenly recognize what they did and dissolve into panicked tears. I want them to lie awake at night and spend hours replaying those scenes wishing through choking, pathetic sobs that they could change the endings. I want them to be terrified of being around the opposite sex because it might happen again. I want them to be so deeply ashamed of themselves that they truly believe their own parents would stop loving them if they really knew the truth. I want them to get the cold sweats and shakes whenever someone mentions the word “rape”.
I want them to look at other people who are happy, who have healthy and pleasurable sexual relationships, and feel broken. I want them to feel enraged whenever someone spouts off “just world” philosophy bullshit. I want them to avoid mirrors because they can’t stand to look at themselves. I want them to spend countless nights getting drunk so they’ll finally have the courage to commit suicide only to realize that they’re a coward (just like they already knew). I want them to spend 15 minutes of every hour in the handicap bathroom at work trying to calm themselves down. I want them to feel inescapable panic about half of the time they have sex for years after the fact. I want them to think about my face any time they’re feeling sexual pleasure or getting naked or masturbating and I want that image to crush any hope of arousal.
I want them to explain to a significant other, through hysterics, exactly what happened on those nights. I want them to fear being out in public because it feels like the truth of those experiences is written on their faces. I want them to spend years in therapy. I want people to tell them that their pain is not a big deal and that they should just stop thinking about those nights because honestly, what is it really helping? I want them to feel a deep, unabiding sadness when people tell women not to go out alone or drink too much or wear sexy clothing because they know it’s not going to help a damn thing.
I want them to feel like I know them better than anyone ever could because I was there, I know what they look like when they rape someone. I want them to feel like I’m inside them, all the time, mocking them for every failure, panic attack and sick day. I want them to believe that it’s always going to be like this. I want them to feel like trash, actual use-and-throw-away trash. I want them to feel angry and have no outlet for that anger except their own body. I want them to feel weak and useless. I want them to feel DEFINED by those experiences. I want them to feel like a monster.
I want them to feel like me.
I am not sure just what I was attempting to say, but it did not come out correct.
-Montana judge who said a 14-year-old girl raped by her teacher was "as much in control of the situation" as the 54-year-old. The judge has ordered a hearing to reevaluate the 30-day sentence he gave to the former teacher. (via officialssay)
(I think what he was trying to say was that a girl with brown skin is sexually mature early. Because he’s full of shit.)
Baugh said he listened to recorded statements given by Morales before her death and believes that while she was a troubled youth, she was “as much in control of the situation” as Rambold. The judge also said Morales was “older than her chronological age.
The naysayers that constantly deny that racial stereotypes are an inherent part of our culture and how they are used to value a non white woman’s (or girl, as is the case here) worth, should look no further than this case.
In April 2008, a 14 year old Latina girl was raped by her teacher. She committed suicide as a result of the ongoing trauma. Five years later (FIVE) there is finally a sentence for this crime. While the prosecutor had asked for 20 year in jail, the judge deemed 30 days to be a fitting punishment because the child was “in control of the situation”. This rapist (no alleged because he has been found guilty) was expelled from the sex offenders program he was attending because he had remained in contact with several minors in spite of being forbidden to do so.
The offender’s lawyer, not content merely doing his job had to go beyond the call of duty and remind us who was really hurt in this situation:
Rambold’s attorney, Jay Lansing, argued Monday for the suspended sentence. He said Rambold lost his career, his marriage and his home and has suffered a “scarlet letter of the Internet” as a result of publicity about the case.
A 14 year old Latina child was raped and committed suicide, the criminal is given a slap on the wrist but of course, we should be sorry for “the scarlet letter of the internet” that he is going to carry from now on.
Unlike the humanity denied to his victim, he gets to be treated as a subject with rights.
ETA: And I just saw Jezebel’s coverage of this case. Predictably, there isn’t a single mention of this child’s ethnicity. As I said on Twitter, this way of white washing the case erases the long history of racialized misgonynist violence and removes all context of the ways in which Latina women and children (and Women of Color in general) are dehumanized and sexualized. Yes, this could have happened to a child of any ethnicity or race, however, more often than not, these very specific stereotypes about oversexualized girlhood are applied to girls and women of color. Purposefully erasing this context only helps perpetuate the violence which remains unexamined.